love never fails.
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.
Greeted by these beauties every time I step outside my apartment.
There’s something about nature that stirs our hearts, something about spring that gives us a mysterious burst of energy. I wasted all weekend celebrating the end of a long, dreary winter. My heart is full tonight.
What makes you best is that you know how to divert attention from my own insecurities, faults, mistakes, to all the positive things I never would have noticed. You always see the best in people, and you always give me the benefit of doubt. It’s impossible to not want to be a better person for you. You’re a strong leader in that you don’t let little things get in your way when you confidently believe in something, and you somehow lead people to see what you see. More than anything though, I’m grateful to call a man of integrity with such love for God my best friend.
I regularly go through dry seasons in life where I feel as though I’m merely dragging along, not paying attention to the details and purposely staying aloof and absent minded until I come across a person or an event or something that turns me around. I go through the motions each day, getting up because I need to, eating because I need to, going to work because I need to, occasionally throwing myself into after work social hours with colleagues because I need to, and going to sleep because I need to. It’s sort of hard to imagine how different my life looked even just two years ago. It’s also funny how I was a college senior two years ago, not knowing where I’d be headed at all. But I was excited. Excited and naively full of hope, so convinced somehow that everything’s going to pan itself out nicely and smoothly. I’m gonna go to a big city and live it out, I’d say. Oh the possibilities. So much vigor and anticipation. Jitters.
Well, two years later, I am here, working in my first full-time job ever after courses of many unpaid/underpaid internships, spending a Thursday night after work devouring a meal like an underfed cow and grocery shopping for the rest of the evening. Then I get into my PJ’s at 10pm ready to call it a night. I thought, you know what, if the 2012 me saw this, she’d shudder and rebuke the future her for being such a gma. What happened?!
The truth is though, as hard as it is for me to admit (not really), I’ve always been a grandma. I love going to sleep on time so I can relax knowing that I can enjoy the next morning nice and slow. I love reading at night and try to avoid awkward large group social events as much as possible. I’m a class one introvert who wants nothing to do with super expressive / nonstop chattering people at work because my social energy just cannot keep up.
It’s not that I’ve changed. The core of who I am is still there. I don’t think that’s ever going to change unless I go through a traumatic brain injury that would alter my ability to think/feel. Maybe it’s just that I ‘grew up,’ meaning I finally learned after 4 years that all nighters are fun but unfortunately detrimental to your body. I grew up in the sense that I’m learning to take care of myself financially. And dreams and financial responsibilities just don’t mix well together.
So what now, I’ve been thinking. External circumstances like friends, money, job, where you live, etc will always be in constant motion. Things might change, they might not. Whatever the external circumstances may be, I need to find a place to rest an anchor for my heart. As long as my heart knows what my passion is, it can rest. Finding your true passion is easier said than done, and everyone has their own version of finding their unique passion - so there shouldn’t be any doubt in yourself.
Yes, I’m partly talking about passion in terms of how I want to be defined in my career life. What do I love doing, and why not pursue what I truly love? Where do I draw my inspirations from? But the other part, in my opinion, carries much more weight and importance in a bigger sense - where does my heart belong, and am I passionate about where it belongs? Am I truly in love and in constant awe, and in constant pursuit of the creator of my heart who taught this world what love looks like? Am I passionate about Christ?
You know that passage where King David dances on the street like a madman because he is rejoicing so hard in the LORD? And also how Jesus’ disciples and Paul were not afraid of death to spread the Gospel because Jesus was their passion? Passion has the power to drive people above and beyond in an inexplicable way.
When you look up the definition of “Passion,” the first one the dictionary gives is “a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.” Second one is “a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way." So we know that passion has everything to do with anything we feel very, very strongly about that our hearts might as well burst if we don’t do anything about it. It makes you act irrationally or very courageously. It’s not easy to give up what you’re passionate about. You push for it. You constantly think about it. You’re borderline scary-obsessed.
Am I passionate like that about Christ?
I ain’t no scholar, but I thought it was interesting that the origin of the word passion is from the Latin word ‘passio,’ which means suffering, patience and endurance of hardship. Every dictionary I’ve looked up tonight tells me the next big universal definition of the word: “the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death.” Maybe everyone already knew that, but I didn’t know that maybe, maybe the word originated somehow from Christ’s suffering. I don’t know. I’m not a biblical or linguistic scholar, so don’t quote me on that. Just my speculation, observation and thoughts.
The reason why Christ died for us was because he was downright PASSIONATE about US. Such a strong, strong imagery as we try to understand God’s passion for us through these words in the dictionary that are used to describe ‘passion’: ardent affection, intense, driving, overmastering feeling or conviction, desire, deep interest, outbreak of anger, suffering.
Crazy. Mind blowing. Moves hearts.
So sure, it might have seemed like the college senior me was so much more “passionate.” But is it true passion if it dwindles away as soon as ‘reality’ hits? Maybe I have been too busy thinking about the practical passion to pay attention to the bigger passion I actually need to invest more time in. Maybe what will truly ignite my heart and spark real inspiration is not a eureka moment on what my ‘dream job’ is, but finding true joy and passion in my daily walk with God. Maybe it’s time to refocus and change this entire thought process. It doesn’t matter what I do in life, or what I eat, who I’m with — as long as I get one thing straight, that my heart is always passionate for Christ.