A.M.

So today’s been kind of crazy. It’s like God’s shouting in my ears, telling me to take the leap of faith I’ve been dreading for so long. Pete Briscoe preached this morning at Bent Tree about being proactive in not only just believing in Christ’s existence but actively following through with trusting. Like, actually doing it. Then I come home to find that my dad had just preached over the same exact topic at the retreat he was speaking at this past weekend. Clearly, if I just ignore this coincidence, I’d be an idiot. It’s not just a coincidence, it’s not just a common topic…it’s clearly God telling me to trust him completely at this stage in my life. To be honest… I’ve been kind of lost. Job situations are obviously looking grimmer than I had hoped and I’ve been questioning a lot of essential things in my life. Not even a “fresh new start” is granted to me - which means, I’m stuck with the same old life, same old place, same old… everything else. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to let go of. Maybe the dream of getting out of Texas forever. Maybe my plans to travel everywhere. Maybe it’s really time for me to let go of literally everything and let God do whatever with my life. I’m not sure. I’m scared. I’m nervous. Slightly confused. 

But that’s not the point. Whatever I’m going through in my life, I’m supposed to be proactive in trusting the LORD. I think that means that I’m not supposed to just wait around anticipating for something big to happen. No, sadly, life doesn’t roll that way. I’m supposed to deliver everything to God, depend on him, then do what he says. Not a single part of this whole process is passive. We’re supposed to take that leap of faith.

I really don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few months of my life. Or the upcoming year… years. But I’m going to go ahead and fully trust that my God is watching over me, that He has already won the battle and will always lead me to Him. 

And honestly, that’s all I need in the end.

I wish I could verbalize how exactly I’m feeling right now, but the truth is that you can’t record feelings. We can try our best to remember it, feel it more, hold it, write about it, take pictures, etc, but the truth is…feelings have unique properties that can never be duplicated. Which’s fine. That’s what makes them special more so than anything. I haven’t felt this much in ages. So comfortable yet nervous. Mysterious yet familiar. You make it real. You leave me dazed in ways I never imagined. 

I think it had to be you.

• Interning at an extremely political online newspaper as a videographer/photographer
• will lose at least 5 lbs and maintain
• will put an end to this malicious habit of eating out every single day
• will get a camera
• shooting a wedding! soo excited about this one 
• will finish reading all the books i started last semester
• will get another part time job.
• will carry out the portrait project I’ve always wanted to do
• attend a cooking class at Whole Foods…lol
• will not be jealous of everyone else traveling around D:
• stop missing europe so much (probably not possible.. EVER)

wah it’s nice being home. finally some time to rest and think!